


someone to lean against

by yeahmalec



Series: Malec AUs [7]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 4th of July, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Good Boyfriend Magnus Bane, M/M, Mundane Alec Lightwood, Mundane Magnus Bane, Mundane Magnus Bane/Mundane Alec Lightwood, PTSD, PTSD attack, Vulnerable Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 11:12:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15169466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeahmalec/pseuds/yeahmalec
Summary: It’s 4th of July and Alec suffers from PTSD. Magnus is there..DESCRIPTION OF POSSIBLE EVENTS OF WAR, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.





	someone to lean against

Magnus usually knows when something is wrong. Especially, when it’s in the safety of his house. It’s a feeling in his gut that tells him pieces have fallen from a certain puzzle.

 

Magnus kicks the door open, giddily smiling as he places the box of decoratings onto the ground. It’s three past nine and most of the fireworks have ready started, booming and exploding outside as different color flashes flicker inside through the curtains.

 

“Alexander,” Magnus yells in the apartment, voice filled with joy and excitement. He’s never gotten to get near fireworks - he’d ether be at home or in some party, watching the fireworks alone or with his choice of company that night.

 

But now he has Alec. And Alec is, well, he’s Alec. His Alec is... Different. Some still tell Magnus that Alec is broken good, something that time should already consume.

 

Alec is just perfect. Sometimes, he might be cold. Might not kiss or hug Magnus for days,

sometimes he’ll get angry and sometimes he’ll snap at Magnus out of nothing because of the constant state of alarm. But it’s better than before.

 

There are still the days where Alec shows how much he loves Magnus. He might make a candlelight dinner or just pet Magnus’ hair until he’s sleeping.

 

Magnus strips off his shoes and jacket, quickly disposing them as he walks into the bedroom. It’s empty but a bright light illuminates the floor so Magnus assumes it’s Alec in there.

 

Magnus takes off his tight shirt, already making his way into the bathroom with a smile. He turns the knob and steps inside, “Catarina and -“

 

In the bathroom is Alec. His beautiful man, seated in the tub, rocking himself back and forth in a state of panic with his fingers covering his ears.

 

It’s happened before. Alec would often flinch at sounds, throw himself in front of Magnus like a human shield at certain situations. But never this bad.

 

“Alec,” Magnus breathes out, rushing to him and grabbing the end of the tub, “Alec - Alec open your eyes.” Magnus pleas desperately, “I’m going to put my hand on your shoulder, okay?” Magnus asks close to him and Alec nods.

 

Alec’s eyes blink open when Magnus lies his hand onto his shoulder, full of terror and tears. “Magnus,” he whispers, so brokenly.

 

Magnus cups Alec’s face, “It’s me. Look around you - We’re home. It’s okay, Alexander. We’re okay.”

 

“I - I -“ Alec’s chest is heaving up and down at a dangerous space.

 

“Deep breaths, Alexander,” Magnus speaks, faking deep breaths himself as they slowly start to match with Alec. “I am going to get your wallet, okay?”

 

Magnus gets up, running to get Alec’s brown leather wallet and back. Alec fumbles with it, desperately trying to open it until he does so. He reveals a picture of him and Magnus in a park. It was one of their very first dates and the first time Alec had told Magnus he feels in control of his own body again. Ever since, the picture has been safe in Alec’s wallet.

 

“It’s not real, you’re having a flashback. We’re home, in Brooklyn, with you, me and Chairman Meow,” Magnus whispers but more tears pool out of Alec’s eyes, “Alexander, can you take my hand and tell us where we are?”

 

Alec is shaking, swaying from side to side and not responding to Magnus.

 

“Our loft, Alexander. Where we are safe,” Magnus speaks in a soft yet firm voice, “And here we have a bed, safety. Would you like to go there?”

 

Alec zooms off again, a cry leaving past his lips as his whole body flinches. “I - I can’t - J-Jace needs a - a para... Paramedic,” Alec whispers frantically, trail of tears leaving his cheeks onto his jeans.

 

“Alexander,” Magnus says, “Alexander, we are safe. We’re home. And Jace is at home with his wife, remember?”

 

Alec seems to halt at that, looking up at Magnus, “Clary,” he breathes out, nodding as if he understands but his eyes are still searching for an escape.

 

“Yeah. They’re safe, just like us. Do you want to go to bed, Alexander?” Magnus asks again and Ale seems to register some of it, nodding weakly and extending his arm, giving Magnus permission to touch.

 

Magnus softly takes his hand, helping Alec’s trembling body up as they go. “Jace is - Uh, he’s safe,” Alec whispers to himself, “And - And Clary. Brooklyn. Loft. Magnus. Chairman Meow and me. We’re safe, in Brooklyn,” he continues to use the words he has grown to know after his time in Vietnam. Things he knows are safe.

 

Magnus leads Alec onto the bed, helping him lie down and covering Alec with a blanket. He runs to turn off the lights, the room only lit with candles.

 

Magnus keeps an eye in Alec, who’s whispering words and staring at the picture of them. “Alexander,” Magnus says, “Do you want to be alone?”

 

Alec looks at him, inky hair sticking to his sweaty forehead. He seems like floating, like he knows Magnus isn’t really there.

 

“Do you want me to cone lie down beside you? You can count my rings again, if you want?”

 

Alec continues to stare at him, puffy eyes and red lips as he nods.

 

Magnus walks over to him, collecting the blankets and lying beside Alec. He covers them both into the darkness that he knows Alec finds comforting.

 

“You’re safe, Alexander,” Magnus whispers again, not daring to touch Alec, “Hey, remember, breathe.” He breathes deeply with Alec while showing his rings, “Here. All thirteen of them,” Magnus says and lifts his hand which Alec grabs nearly immediately.

 

The first time Alec had a PTSD flashback, it was small and even though Alec tried to belittle it, Magnus knew better. He had offered to speak about it with Alec and Alec had agreed - together they discovered that the cold metal and the rough texture of Magnus’ rings brought sense of reality. That his musk and the smell of sandalwood in his hair help.

 

Alec fiddles with his rings, repeating numbers as Magnus breathes beside him, telling Alec how he’s safe. It seems as the worst part of it is over when Alec is able to shift his body, and the tension seems to start to lessen.

 

Magnus knows that the movement, that has happened before, tells Magnus it’s okay to touch. He sneaks up a hand carefully to Alec’s waist, pulling him closer and Alec snuggles his face into Magnus’ chest. “You’re safe,” Magnus whispers, pressing featherlight kisses into Alec’s hair.

 

-

Alec breathes in Magnus’ scent, the aroma of home and love filling his mind. The cold of Magnus’ bracelet against his hip and his dangling necklaces bring him a sense of reality. He can register being in Magnus’ arms.

 

He starts to feel connected to his body again, able to hear Magnus’ breathing and the soft music Magnus had put on at some point. His breathing is more even, chest not filled with terror when Magnus’ fingers draw patterns into his skin and his lips whisper you’re safe against his forehead.

 

Soon, he feels heavy. Familiar, safe scents and voices start to surround him, grounding him. He can thing of something else than the sound of a bomb, sound if Jace screaming in agony or the smell of smoke.

 

He can feel his body relax, nearly melt into Magnus’ arms and his eyelids start to close. He’s not on alert anymore, and he lets himself fall into the pit darkness with Magnus whispering I love you, you’re safe.

 

Magnus feels Alec slump against him. He no longer shakes, fingers still around Magnus’ free hand, breath even. Magnus closes his eyes and sighs - he hates it. Hates to see Alec in so much pain.

 

And even though they’ve done this before, where Magnus grounds Alec because he’s the soldier’s heaven, it will always pain Magnus.

 

He’a in the kitchen making cocoa, like he always does after Alec gets an attack or a flashback. The scent calms Alec - he says it isn’ta scary hotness in his palms like a running rust of a bomb. Says the smell is beautiful, not suffocating.

 

By the time Magnus makes it into the bedroom, Alec is sitting on the bed. It’s past midnight, all the fireworks long gone to their fortune.

 

Magnus lies the cup down onto Alec’s nightstand, sitting beside him. He grabs the water bottle, helping Alec take a few small sips before putting the bottle down.

 

“Hey,” Magnus whispers and Alec looks like he might break into tears, “It’s okay to cry. It’s okay.”

 

“Thank you,” Alec says, voice hoarse.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Alec shakes his head, “No, I just -“ He looks down in shame, “I was running late so I didn’t get home on time. Didn’t put on the music and didn’t close the balcony. I... The sounds and the smell, I just -“

 

“It’s okay, Alexander. You’re safe now,” Magnus whispers.

 

Their neighbors like fireworks. They’re also kind people so they had made a mutual agreement that they start off the fireworks at eight - fifteen minutes for Alec to prepare, enough for him.

 

Not this time.

 

“I’m sorry, Magnus,” Alec whispers.

 

“Never be sorry for something like this, Alexander. Never.”

 

Alec swallows and nods, opening his arms and Magnus crawls to his lap. “I love you,” Magnus whispers, clutching Alec tightly like he always does after, “And you are so, so strong my beautiful man.”

 

Alec only snuggles into Magnus’ neck, holding him close and trying to pour all of his love into the hug.

 

“I love you,” Alec croaks.

 

Magnus is there for Alec, no matter what. And Alec can slowly start telling himself that he’ll be okay again. That he lives in the present, not the past.

 

In the present with Magnus.


End file.
